Sunday, August 26, 2012

Where do I stand now?

                We don’t express emotion in my family. We keep it to ourselves, bottle it up and create ulcers in our body. That is how my family deals with emotion. As a result my sisters and I did not learn how to express emotion with one another. We never told each other that we loved them or said how we enjoyed time with one another or talk about what is wrong with us. You would think 3 girls would lead to a very chatty house full on constant emotions. However we are the exact opposite of the stereotype. We hardly talk to one another, and are practically strangers. We don’t know what is going on in the extremities of each others life like siblings who grew up loving each other would.
               I have never told anyone I loved them and truly meant it except for one person. I am very guarded with my emotions and had vowed to not let anyone in and live a life alone. I broke that vow. I let someone in who I believed was it. I never thought I would find the ‘it’ but I did. I told him I loved him and he loved me too. We talked about kids, getting married and even house decorations. You’re probably thinking ‘weird’ hu? But I was taken away at the time and everything seemed like it was falling in place. He had an adorable son that I actually loved too. I remember being nervous the first time I met him because I didn’t know if you would like me. It took him a little to warm up to me because he was sleepy. I told him I loved him, but that didn’t last long. He left me, twice. Every time we meet up we end up attracted to one another again. I wonder how things would of turned out if I never left LA….
               But I’m not, and he’s still there and now there is someone else. All the promises made have been broken; all the proclamations of his love to me have been voided.  

Stiching together,

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